Waiting...

I hate waiting on test results. A week or two to wait and have no idea what to feel. The anticipation is horrible, I almost wish the doctor hadn't told me what she was testing for until it was done. I know that she has to talk to me about it and has to ask me about it. Its horrible though. Sitting in the exam room alone, staring at nothing and shaking. Waiting for her to come back and tell me if she thinks I need to do the lupus blood test thing. Now I have a week or two to wait until I get results back. I hate it. I've dealt with this more than once and it doesn't get any easier. Waiting on results from my tests is common enough for me now that you would think I would be used to it. My dad is going through stuff too, I might have to take him to the doctor next week if my mom can't take the day off. Things I don't want to do includes helping my dad after anesthesia. But then, they didn't want to deal with that for me either. I am so lucky to have wonderful parents that take time off work to come help me through things like a discography.

Discographies are the WORST DIAGNOSTIC EVER. Yes that deserves caps. They are horrible if you actually need them. You may not know what they are so a brief explanation. They give you a mild topical anesthesia and then insert large bore needles into your spine at each of the discs they are testing. In my case this was 5 discs. Then they poke your disc with a needle and ask you on a scale of one to 10 how bad does it hurt. For me, I was screaming. It hurt more than anything I have ever felt. They do this for all of the discs they are testing. Then, if that wasn't enough they test the pressure in the disc by injecting some sort of solution into them. And they ask you again how bad it hurts. The doctor stopped asking me after the second disc. He was supposed to go through the test twice and didn't. He didn't feel the need to confirm the results. After the first disc he asked if I wanted them to stop. I said no, I didn't want to go through this again. Everything was a 10.

My everything hurts today. I am so sore all over, even my eyes are sore. The doctor has me on a new medication - nsaid anti-inflammatory. She's also having me take vit D and fish oil daily. I don't know that the new medication is doing anything yet but ehhhhh. I'll take it. I already have a bunch of things to take, adding more isn't that big of a deal. My arm where the tetanus shot was is a big ball of soreness and the other arm where they drew the blood is a big old bruise. I'm just so tired. At least the inflammation is down a bit. My hands are still puffy but I can get my ring off now but my face still feels like a marshmallow. So do my legs.

I feel disordered today. I can't keep thinking on any one topic. Simple questions are so difficult to answer and I don't feel up for anything complex. I had a lovely dinner with my mom though. Dad was out to dinner for work so we got sushi and udon. The udon was horrible but the sushi was fantastic and we had a great conversation. I wish I could game tonight but I am not sure I would be up for it. The dogs were being loud downstairs though so I have them upstairs with me. Puppy cuddles ftw. Even if lux won't stop pacing around my room.